All Good Things

I am finding that my grief comes in cycles and has triggers.  Saturday mornings are difficult for me, hell the whole day just bites.  I wasn’t sure it was normal for me to feel that way, to grieve that way.  I almost felt like I didn’t have permission to feel that way, as strange as that sounds.  Either way, the day is just a reminder.  This past week someone else in my Trisomy 18 parents support group mentioned that they have that feeling, to which I immediately seconded…  soon I learned there were many other parents who had the same thing.  Those that were earlier on in the process, like me, found the particular day to be a problem every week.  Others, as time moved on, found it became less and less… just the day of the month.  It’s comforting to know I’m not insane… or at least no more insane then I usually am.

When Alexandria was born Gabriel went down with his grandparents and purchased a “Baby Girl” balloon from the hospital gift shop.  It survived the trip home.  It survived all three boys batting it around the house.  It eventually found it’s way into our kitchen.  He bought that balloon on December 17th…  It’s March 31st and it’s still up… but today it began to struggle.  Kim and I were sitting in the living room talking when she noticed….  “The balloon is starting to come down.”   “I know.”  I didn’t bother turning around, I had seen it earlier…  Watching it for a while she said, “It’s a real fighter.”  I thought about how much Alexandria fought, how much of a fighter she was… tears began to well up in my eyes…  reading my mind Kim looked me in the eyes and said, “Alexandria fought so hard to stay with us too.”  “Yes, she did.”

All good things.