Acts 2:25 David said about him: “‘I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”
Lately I do not know what to say, or post. I’ve started a few posts, but have no interest or will to finish them, mostly because the nature of them is dark. Kim and I have seen a grief counselor a few times, but I just can not continue to go there. I feel when I am there, and I can not keep things together. My guard slips and the impact lasts for days. I can’t operate like that. I just need time. I need to come to grips with this on my own terms.
Kim and the boys went to Midland this weekend so I could work on our garden in the back. I have a few retaining walls that need to be built, it’s slow going, but I enjoy the work for the most part. The house is too empty though. It’s too quiet.
At Pentecost everyone was bewildered and amazed at what happened, and as Pastor Nick said this morning often times we ourselves are bewildered at God’s plan. We want to understand and learn more. Like him, I’m the type that needs as much information as possible, I like to know all aspects of something. I know she touched and continues to touch people’s lives. I have tried to help other families who are just starting their journeys with Edwards Syndrome, to help others with what we learned. … But even so… my bewilderment remains. I feel I will not understand this, until I see her again.
[…] I had a rough time throughout the evening. It made everything real. It was hard to push things away. Which brings me to the most terrifying revelation of the evening. We walked out, talking, and even joking about every day life issues with our friends. One of them asked if I’d ever met “Nancy”, the woman who facilitated the discussion. I said “No, I’ve never seen her before.” Kim gave me this odd look. “What?” “That’s Nancy, the councilor,”, Kim replied. Kim had taken me to see a councilor, someone I’d seen several times and even blogged about in Pentecost. […]
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