There were very few times when Alexandria was completely wide awake. Most of the time that happened in the middle of the night, when I was watch, and no one was around to witness with me. I’d took some video on occasion. Below was a morning in early January, I’d planned on posting this to facebook but when I did facebook choked. I didn’t have a youtube account yet, and this website wasn’t even a thought in my head until a week later…. so it was lost until today.
As those of you know, there is a couple we’ve been praying for who’ve been given the miracle of having their daughter, Nora, with them. I read through their posts and I remember the pain, the fear, and the absolute joy… how intermingled they can be and how stressful it was. You can go through an entire night of blazing pulsox alarms, exhausted, and then get a few moments like those below. Wide-eyed, looking around, engaged, bring you so close to God.
Tomorrow will be the third month anniversary of Alexandria’s death. I spent a good amount of time crying today, even though it was my birthday. I didn’t want to celebrate, but knew how important it was for the kids and how excited they were. I did the due diligence. I wanted so badly to have her here today, and am so thankful that we had so many wonderful days with her. God blessed us with such a wonderful journey, and I see his work in Aleisa, William, and Nora… but it is difficult to understand, to accept, why this happens, and even moreso to move on. I feel trapped in my grief.
I love you Alexandria, and daddy misses you so very much.
Video from January 6th, 2012